Bleeding Thunder

            A bolt of lightning is inevitably followed by a bang. That’s basic cause and effect. A fact of life. I should have known that. The storm outside only served as a grim reminder of my fate.

            Idiot, idiot, IDIOT, I thought in panicked repetition as I bolted away from the sound of thundering footsteps. It was too dark to see, but I had twelve years’ experience of the layout of my own house. Things never changed around here, despite my mother’s claims that they would.

            People don’t change, either.

            “Daddy’s not going to hurt you, Lynn.” The monster’s filthy lie wafted after me from closer behind than I dared to register. It carried a satisfying twinge of its owner’s pain. Unsurprising, since I’d knocked him square in the nuts. He’d broken Mom of her will to fight back, but he’d never break me. I was stronger than her.

            At least, that’s what I kept telling myself to mask my fear, as I dashed down the wooden floorboard hallway and hopped over the creaky panels in the darkness. There was no way out of the house, since the doors were always locked from the inside with a key I didn’t have. Above all, I knew I had to stay calm, but the thoughts kept racing faster than my feet could take me: that I should have done what she always did. “Just grin and bear it.” Now everything would be ten times worse when he finally caught me. I was not ready to hear the “you made me do this” speech in tandem with my own wailing sobs. Mom’s had been more than enough.

            I grimaced to block off the tears. I hated how pathetic she was for giving in to all the abuse. Almost like she thought she deserved it. Maybe she did deserve it for being so goddamned useless.

            Not a word, not a breath, I reminded myself as I cowered in the corner of the living room. Unfortunately, the room was plagued with windows that were ever too eager to assist the lightning in turning me over to the devil. With Mom in the hospital now with head trauma and multiple contusions for “falling off the roof,” I was the only option he had left to quell his insatiable urge to be something less than human.

            The flash was less than a second, but my world was frozen in time. He must have heard my heart bursting out of my chest. Through my widening eyes, I saw his inconceivable height towering over me. I will never forget the look in his eyes.

            Back to darkness. A miraculous burst of adrenaline launched me into flight mode, right between his legs. He must have been able to hear me, or otherwise guess my location, because I felt him grasp a lock of my hair as I flashed by. I refused to stop, grimacing as it was ripped from my scalp. The clap of thunder seemed to heighten my senses as I dashed into the kitchen.

            Dead end. I instinctively went for the knife rack and wrapped my fingers around the first handle I touched. I hoped it was the biggest one, but there was no way to be sure without another flash of lightning, which would assuredly come through the window above the sink.

            The window.

            I was already pulling myself onto the counter before my thought had finished, not even daring to let go of the knife. The only window in the kitchen was right above the sink. We never opened it, so it was possible that Howard would never have thought to lock it tight in the first place. Once perched atop the sink, I fiddled with the window lock in the darkness, trying to undo it as fast as possible. Stay calm, stay calm. Deep breaths.

            I thought of Mom, lying barely conscious in her hospital bed, gripping my hand as tightly as her strength would allow. “I’ll always protect you,” she’d said before her head fell limp from exhaustion. Her chest was still moving, so I was fully justified to express my anger.

            “Protect me?!” I’d screamed to her unconscious face as I threw her limp hand down. “You can’t even protect yourself!” I’d fled the room before the doctors could see the waterworks bursting forth from behind my forearm and put a face to the cause of the tantrum.

            Recalling the memory again, I finally realized. Howard had never come after me until Mom was gone. All this time she had taken the fall so I wouldn’t have to. Centered his attention, lust, and anger upon herself so I could be safe.

            My body convulsed at the feeling of his grip on both sides of my waist. My hand immediately drove the knife back behind me, and through the handle, I felt it slicing through flesh and tendon in tandem with his sputtering scream of curses. I spun around as soon as he released his hold, leaning back against the window pane and gripping the knife out in front of me with both hands. I snarled, “You so much as touch me and I’ll—“ 

            He must not have seen the knife outstretched. He lunged forward to silence me with a tight grip around my throat, only to thrust his chest straight into the blade in the process.

            FLASH.

            A bright explosion from behind me. It started in the back of my head, and spread down my upper torso and through my arms. It only wanted the knife. My hands burned, but I couldn’t loosen my grip. I could only watch as the knife handle flashed and lit up the gruesome sight before my eyes.

            From his chest emerged a fluid more reminiscent of black than red, a perfect rendition of the monster he really was. It trickled from the knife handle onto my hands and down my arms, though I could barely feel it—or anything at all, for that matter.

            The face of the man who called himself my father was scrunched up in a mix of hatred and horror. Sweat covered his forehead, damp clumps of hair plastered to it. His brow was furrowed over his eyes at a terrifying angle, pushing deep wrinkles into the bridge of his nose. His lips were pulled back into a snarl, the upper lip raised on one side. I knew that face well.

            The horror emanated from his otherwise familiar lightning blue eyes, now brighter than ever as they flashed with fear until they faded, dim and dark. It was in that moment that I realized I wasn’t afraid.

            I was the predator this time.

            Even through my ringing ears, I could hear the crash of thunder straight overhead. Every muscle in my body was twitching from the shock, but I did not regain control in time to catch my fall into darkness. The most I could muster was a smile across my face.

            That was for you… Mom.